Rejection.

Rejection never comes easy. In fact, it brings a whole package of emotions that one rather avoid. This is usually in the form of grief; the 5 stages that one goes through, perhaps to reach enlightenment. But the question is, if Im writing about this after a month of rejection, does that not mean I’m still hungover?

4 interviews, 1 assessment and 2 months later, I was rejected for a dream role (better position and pay) that could have pulled me out of a stagnancy I currently am in.

Denial.

No, I wasn’t in denial when I got rejected for the dream job I was grinded for in 4 interviews and an assessment within 2 months. I was in shock. It’s funny how the first stage of grief is denial right away instead of “shock”. It’s the unveiling of the news, the hitting of it in your face, as true as the light of the day. Denial I believe would come in once you actually absorb that information punching you in the face starting off with the words “We regret to inform you” or “Unfortunately”.

Now see, above messages are a very norm for me when it comes to applying jobs. But this one took my heart for 2 months, put 50 daggers in it and gave it back to me. In pain.

Anger.

Was I angry? YES, OF COURSE.

I was hanging by a thread, ready to give up the next day, when this light at the end of the tunnel flashed across my way as the last resort, the miraculous opportunity. I was given hope, a rope to hang on to. The length I went through stalking the hiring managers and recruiters could have landed me a job in FBI instead.

I started a course, I started looking up new clothes (haha… hahaha), I started feeling positive again, especially after submitting the assessment that brought back the life in me that I lost 4 years ago. You see, hope brings out the best in you when you believe. But when that belief results in a lie, your heart burns to crisp.

Bargaining.

But meh, I had to start believing in reality. Like nothing happened. Maybe they had a change of heart, a change of requirements, maybe it was rigged from the beginning, maybe the person selected had a God-father, maybe the rejection was from my team, maybe it was my luck, I wasn’t good enough, maybe it wasn’t the right thing for me and God wanted to re-route me, maybe it wasn’t for me.

Maybe.

Depression.

I took a leave a day after the rejection.

Acceptance.

This was not hard to come by surprisingly. I accepted it in sometime, by the end of the day probably, or maybe when I wrote the email of thanks and gratitude out of courtesy the next day, or maybe when I started writing this post tonight. Maybe I will accept it after I receive an email of apology and telling me that they made a mistake on their part in the selection process and I am still in the consideration pool.

Maybe I’m still in denial.

Overcoming.

While I still maybe grieving this experience, I may have been unsuccessful with this particular scenario, but I don’t feel like giving up.

One positive thing it brought about in me is the certainty that I WANT TO DO THIS. I want to get into that field. It ignited that passion that I murdered to adjust to a mediocre job. It showed me that I’m, in fact, not dead yet, there is still a fight in me that wants to do this.

Note: Of course, you maybe thinking there are many factors that came into play. Feel free to question me in the comments. Maybe i’ll learn a thing or two. And yes, learning the truth as to WHY I was not selected in the end has made me reconsider a lot of my surroundings, especially the people I am around — when they happen to be the vital factor that come into play in situations such as these.